The story of three quotes on my phone. Technically four.

Pfft. It took me half an hour to write each of the quote post. So I spent one hour for the past two quotes and now I’ll be writing this last one. I enjoyed this challenge more than I thought I would, tbh. Except for this last quote. I’ve spent half an hour looking for one, because the truth is, I only have 2 favorite quotes and well, I’ve already used them. So, I went for a walk. A walk of 2 hours in this extremely hot sun, and I earned 10 dollars. Yeah, I did my paper route. Whatever. I earned 10 dollars and now I smell like sweat.

So I turned to my good old phone for help. I had more tumblr quotes things in my Photos than I expected. So, I’m going to give you three of them. Because I can’t choose one.

“Life doesn’t stop for anybody” – Stephen Chbosky

Yes, you guessed it. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Can you blame me? That book (& movie) was freaking awesome! This quote often encourages me to do the things I want. You know, take risks, change my life, move on, look at the future and not the past. Something like that. Pretty much says for it self. I love this quote 🙂

“I don’t feel anything. All monsters are human.” – Tate Langdon

American Horror Story. Technically, these are two quotes. But said by the same person so whatever. The first one pretty much says it all, from my second quote post. The other one, I just thought of while doing my paper route. I don’t wanna get all into this whole, I’m a people hater speech. The point is, I really don’t like people. They’re selfish, ungrateful and well, like Einstein said it, stupid. Because human stupidity is infinite.

And no, I am not a hypocrite, I would be one if I said that I’m the exception. That I’m not stupid or selfish. Because I am, I’m probably one of the worst from all the people I know. Because I’m human and humans are monsters. We are corrupt cops, frauds, thieves, robbers, killers, liars, terrorists. We lie to the people we love, we hurt the people we love, hell–we hate the people we love. You name it. But hey, there’s a thing called learning and evolving.

“Life if like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

– Forrest Gump

I chose this quote because this is my favorite movie of all time. And because it’s true, and because I love chocolate. You know, whenever the day sucks, this quote reminds me of all the miracles that might happen. That misery is not the only thing life serves us. Yeah, there may be a few dark chocolates in there, but also white ones. It gives me a reason to keep going, I guess.

So, thats it. The challenge. I really liked this one, thanks again for nominating me Quayla. ^_^

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The story of, well, me.

Oh, Harvey. The great Harvey Specter. Needless to say, Suits is one of my favorite tv shows atm. One of his most famous quotes though, is “I don’t have dreams, I have goals.” I suppose this has a lot to do with my first quote. But it’s not the quote that I wanna use for this. There is another one that I love more. I think, even more than the Shonda Rhimes one.

I may have lied to you. This isn’t a story of me. If you wanted that story, you’d have to read a book the size of all the Game of Thrones books put together. Maybe even bigger. And even if you cared enough to read that, it’s impossible cuz it’s unwritten. This is the story of I see the world. I think it pretty much sums up my life’s motto? Or rule? I dunno, u tell me.

“If they know you care, they’ll walk all over you.” – Harvey Specter.

I strongly believe that this is true. I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it, and I understand why people do this. I’d do it, and I know people do it, I see people do it, even I’ve done it. So you know, over the years I’ve taught myself to be alone. To survive alone, to live alone, to do everything alone. You might say I’m paranoid, which I think I am. But that doesn’t make this quote any less true. And I’m not going to avoid it, I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t. And I’m done taking risks. I don’t want to live with regrets, and I don’t wanna die thinking I should have done something when I didn’t. But I’ll figure it all out when it happens.

It has come to a point that I stopped pretending I didn’t care. I, now, literally don’t care anymore. It takes more for someone to get me to care for them, I think. I feel like I’m some heartless bitch. People die, they get hurt, babies cry, little kids fall. And I. Don’t. Care. I see it, and I let it fly right by. No concern whatsoever. A part of me feels like I’ve achieved something great, it’s what I wanted all along, right? But another part of me feels guilty, because I don’t care about others getting hurt. Scared, because of the monster that I have become. I live on this Earth, but I don’t live here. I live somewhere else.

I don’t know how to explain it. I just, don’t feel anything anymore.

The story of how some lady got me off my lazy ass.

Aka my first quote.

“A lot of people dream. And while they are busy dreaming, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people are busy doing”.- Shonda Rhimes.

I love Shonda Rhimes. I loved her since I started watching Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder. Actually, I started with Scandal. But that’s not the point. She is one my icons… is that what people say now? Well, she’s my role model. The lady owns a fucking production company, is a single mother of three daughters, writes and produces and creates more than three tv-shows, and went to an Ivy school. Besides all her achievements, her personality is great. She is funny, she’s a feminist and she supports LGBT. Oh, and she gives the best speeches ever. Do I have to say more? This lady is fucking badass.

The first time I heard about her was on 9Gag. Believe it or not. I was scrolling on 9Gag, as always, wasting my time on gifs with kittens that are stuck in some box or another Nicholas Cage meme. You know the drill. Anyway, they posted a comic of this quote, except it was a bit longer. More like a story, because she said it at the Dartmouth Commence Speech thingy. But as usual, I clicked on it because I saw some black lady writing at a desk and I thought, oeh, a writer. Then I read it. This quote/speech comic thingy, and it changed my life.

At first I was like, wait who is this lady? Because what she said hit me like Miley’s wrecking ball hit the fucking wall. Thus I began my research of this mystery woman. I thought, if she was just some lady than I don’t really have to believe what she said. That if she was just some lady, the comic was just another bullshit comic that randomly appeared on the most bullshit site of the planet. But she wasn’t. She was this wonderful woman, well, as I have said before. And I then, finally followed her advice, because it was so true. I had never thought of dreaming that way. Because yeah, I admit, I was a dreamer. I was also a doer, but not really. I dreamt so much about being a doer I forgot that I actually wasn’t.

I dreamed about writing, and being a writer. But I rarely did anything. And then Shonda happened. So yeah, there’s that story. 6 months later, this blog came to life. And now, I’m trying to outline my newest project for the summer. Shonda, you rock!

Here comes another challenge :)

The day after my first challenge, I got nominated for my second challenge by Mind of Quayla. Thanks! You’re awesome 🙂 These are the rules:

The Quote Challenge.

1. Post 3 of your favourite quotes each per day for 3 recurrent days. The quotes can be of any other people or it may come straight from your own heart.

I’m not going to post a quote today. I’ll start tomorrow with the first quote, and I’ll probably bumbelfuck my way through some deep story about that quote for you guys. And then the next day, the second quote will appear. I’m gonna let you in a little secret, I’ll probably write them all today. Because there a big chance that I will forget it. And then, I’ll just set the timer so it will self upload and I won’t have to do anything ^_^ Gotta love technology. 

2. Nominate 3 bloggers with each post to challenge them.

Oh God, this will probably be really tough. I don’t wanna challenge the same people over and over again, so I’ll probably have to find new ones. Great -_-

A Rainbow Idea

Beware of Hare

Just Elm

3. Don’t forget to thank the person who nominated you.

I already did, but I’ll do it again. Thankk you soooo much!!!!! ♥

My first awesome challenge.

The First Post Challenge will be the first challenge I’ve ever done. How suitable, first post challenge, my first challenge. Get it? Thanks, A Rainbow Idea for nominating me 🙂 Everyone needs to check her out, cuz she’s freakin’ awesome *smirk* This is what I have to do:

1. Copy-paste, link, pingback (or whatever way you want to) your first post:

Happy New Year. Because I started the blog on the 1th of January. It was a new year-new goals-new look-new me kind of thing. 

2. Explain what type of post it was – ex. introduction, poem, story

Uh. Introduction, I guess. I had to choose one. And an advice kind of  post. Well, advice. More like, reality. You know, when you’re sitting in class, or in your office staring into the distance, buried in your deep thoughts until someone snaps their fingers in front of your nose and takes you back to reality. Well, it was that kind of a post. And also introduction, about me, the blogger, obviously.

3. Explain why that was your first post.

I wanted to introduce myself. But I didn’t want it to be something like, hey, my name is [insert name] and here are a few facts about me. Cuz I figured, if anyone was gonna read this thing, they won’t care about the facts because I don’t even know who I am. (I wouldn’t care) So I thought, lets give them a little sneak peek of what they can expect.

4. Nominate 5 other bloggers (or less, I won’t bite):

Energybundle

Somerandomgirl032

The Chronicles of a Brown Eyed Girl

Lilaclydia

Sorry guys, but I couldn’t find that many people who kept their blog updated. And I’m too lazy to find the other one. Butttt, I just wanted to say that today was awesome. Because I went to the zoo, and I hated it. There were too many kids (& fyi, there were more grandpa’s and grandma’s than kids), it was hot as fuck, it smelled like poop all the time. But the animals were awesome. And the whole gay marriage thing is totally awesome.

So yea. I’m done with the exams. Thank God. I almost drowned in there. Nevermind, I did. Now I’m dead inside.

Concert, exams, kitten, summer. (Perhaps not in that order)

The summer of 2015 began on June the 21st. Tbh, I didn’t even notice it until one of my friends mentioned it this morning. So much for living mindfully (-_-). I feel truly sorry for my leap of absence on this blog…. right. Who am I kidding. I feel more guilty for me than for anyone else tbh. But hey, at least I still blog every month. So that’s a good thing, right?

I have been extremely busy. It is currently 0:46 AM and I’m supposed to study for my math exam tomorrow morning. Instead, I’m watching Netflix, my eyes hurt and I’m sleepy. So, I’m going to take a nap of like 5 hours, and then continue my freaking math horseshit.

Butt, before I leave, this summer I’m going to some weird camp. Well, technically not a camp, more like an international.. summer. school? It’s kinda weird, but I live with some host family for the summer. Should be fun, with all the international people. I’ll definitely keep you guys posted, since I don’t have anything else to do in the summer.

Oh, another thing. Next week, I’m getting a kitten! What I mean is, literally, getting one. Not visiting some animal shelter looking for one. Nope, he will come home. And I’ll post pictures, for sure. Maybe even start an Insta account and call it something like, Unknown Cat Lady Diary, or something like that. And I’ve already got a name in mind, but lets leave that for the big reveal. ^_^

On the 7th of June, I went to my first concert. Not one that I enjoyed with all of my heart, much to my dismay. One of my friends got 2 tickets for her birthday, she asked if I wanted to come with. Probably, partly because I lived 10 minutes from the place they were giving the concert. But whatever. I honestly have never heard of them before, so I thought, why the fuck not? So I went, and at first, it was horrible. Because the first band that played, kinda like the intro, was so fucking bad. The lead singer spit on me. Literally, spit on us. We were soaked in water and spit. And I didn’t even like him.

After that, another band came. They were pretty popular, better than the first one. But the finale band, I liked them. Especially the new lead singer, he was hot as fuck. After the concert, my ears hurt. For just a little bit. I thought that it would be worse.

I hate my life. I love my life. My thoughts are like scrambled eggs. They don’t make any fucking sense, at all. But they’re still so good. It’s annoying.

Drama, chaos, conflicts, but especially drama.

For some reason, I manage to fuck up my life pretty often. No, rewind. I always fuck up my life. It’s a fucking mess and I don’t understand how. You know how at first, everything seems okay but then CRASHHH!!. Zombie apocalypse, meteor, dinosaurs wiped out in seconds, the sun explodes, everyone dies. Just to sum it up, that’s how fast I can fuck. things. up.

I wondered for a long time how I managed to do that. Everyone around me, at school, on the street, they seem fine. And I know, I must seem fine too. Obviously. But, I hear the gossip at school, I see how my friends live their life. It’s all so quiet. No drama, no battlefield, nothing. Boring even. And when I look at my life. A series of…. unfortunate chaotic events. That is all my fault. Or was it? Was it fate? Was it coincidence? Was it karma? Or was it me? Was it me? Am I an addict? An addict to drama? Is it possible that my subconscious is doing all these things?

Do I crave drama like an addict needs heroine? Or do I need drama like an addict needs heroine? It’s the same but it’s different. Do I want it, or do I need it? Can I survive a quiet life? Lay low for the rest of high school? Three years of silence until college starts? Turn into the quiet, shy girl I once was? Or were these few years enough to prove me, that I need drama, and that I want it. So much, that I go out of my way to stir it up.

I guess, if there was anything that I’ve learned in my life, there’s this.

Psychopaths get bored.

I’m happy. That doesn’t happen very often.

Life is beautiful. At least for now. I feel so happy. Incredibly happy. Why? I just got an A+ on my short story assignment. Oh dear Lord, I sound like a fucking 8-year-old. I’m sorry.

I’ve gotten A+’s before though. But this one is different. You see, I love writing. It’s my life. Seriously, making up stories (which I’m pretty good at, in a way that I can bullshit myself out of almost every shitty situation), playing with words, English vocabulary. Maybe not the SAT’s level, but I’m not that bad.

Anyway, I wanna study literature later. In college, you know. When this whole high school bullshit is over. So the fact that I got an A+ made me really happy, even though it doesn’t mean anything. Feels like everything begins to go right with my life. Well, I’m still for the results of that one math test 2 weeks ago. I’m so sure I’ll get an F, I fucking hate math. I can’t do it, I just can’t.

The truth? I’m better than them. In writing I mean. That’s why they all say I’m good at it. But I’m not. I’m only slightly better at it than they are, because I like to do it so I try my best. Not because I’m some genius writer, like Ernest Hemingway or Vladimir Nabokov or Shakespeare.

But I’m so happy. Because the summer nights. Because of things going as I want. For fucking once. And I know that the feeling will go away. Pretty soon I will want to stick my head in the oven again, I’m quite sure of that. But for now. I feel happy. Free. Infinite.

Love, cynical, summer.

We girls have been poisoned at a young age, since the minute we were born, really, that truly love exist. They made us believe that one day, our prince will ride with pride to sweep us off our feet into the night. So when guys ask me why most girls fall in love with fictional characters (example: Edward Cullen -_-) I can’t help it but give them the 1 hour-long lecture about how all the girls in the world were programmed to have hope.

It’s a good thing, when you think about it. It’s a good thing that every girl has hope for a better, happier future, especially with all the self-esteem issues nowadays. It’s a really, really good thing, if any of it were real. God, I was so naĂŻve. Thinking that if I went through enough shit, life would grant me happiness. As if it were that easy.

I’m a realist now. Not a depressed person, or psychopath, but sociopath… perhaps. It’s not that I want to be alone forever. Of course not, no one wants that. But I can’t bring myself to thinking about a future that will never exist. Not in this life, or the next. So, abandon all hope and trust no one, I often write it somewhere to remind myself.

Tomorrow, school starts again. I love holidays when I get to take my mind off, well, everything, really. And have fun and just never worry. But now I’m back, and even though the worries are back (actually, they’ve never been gone, only hidden), I still feel refreshed. God, I feel like I can do this. Keep holding on for less than 9 weeks. Then summer holiday will start.

I hate summer. It’s way too hot, too many bare skin on the streets, flip-flop sounds and crowded ice cream cars. The beach is loaded with humans wanting to get a tan and the water with children’s piss. Ugh. The nightmare is endless. I love fall though, maybe because I was born in the fall? Not sure. But summer comes second on my list, even though I hate it the most. Why? The summer nights. Can you blame me?

Superwoman.

Today was the official Aftermath Day. 24 hours after being turned down by the guy you like. I have to say, the 50% sale on Donuts at my supermarket and the password for Netflix from my awesome friend definitely helped me to get over this thing. You know, at first I thought the pain would never go away. But now, it almost has.

I feel like I can take on the world. And of course it hurts when he said that he liked someone else. I wanted to hear that he didn’t like anyone at the moment, but this was inevitable. We’re all teens, the hormones are raging. Besides, I kind of had the idea for a long time. When your mother studies psychology, you can’t help it but study people when they’re not looking.

I am planning to turn my life around though. I feel like Superwoman. Okay, maybe not the hair, but you get my point. I’m going to write a novel. It’s going pretty well. But I need help. I need more ideas, more things to do. Please guys, if you have any ideas on things to do– omg. That’s it. A bucket list. I’m going to make a bucket list called: … things to do before high school ends.

Guys. Please help. I’m pretty creative, if I might say so myself. But I can’t think of everything. So, if you have any ideas, or anything that you wanted to do before high school ends/ended, leave in the comments.

Gotta go now. Netflix awaits.