Oh the joys of being me.

Lately I’ve developed this problem and I have no idea how to fix it. So basically, I’ve been so busy the past couple of weeks ever since Christmas break ended, I can’t even remember if there was a day when I slept more than 4/5 hours (except on weekends, of course, those are my recharge days).

The thing about me being busy is, I don’t mind that a lot. I mean I do, because well school sucks balls and forces me to write essays about feminism even though I’m sitting there like, who gives a shit? Let’s all skip the fact that I’m not a big fan of feminism, I think that it’s needed yes but a bit overrated right now. But that’s not important, so spare me the arguments in the comments, yes? It’s a controversial topic and if I happen to have a different opinion than you, accept it because believe it or not, everyone has their own opinion.

Alright, now back to my little problem. So you all know that I like to write because well, I love it and it kind of releases all the stress and feelings stuffed up in my ugly brain. But I haven’t had the time to write anything for the past few weeks and let me tell you, it nearly killed me. I’m not kidding.

Somewhere in those weeks I reached a point which all my fingers were bitten until they bled, my hair became thinner because I pulled on them so much and I looked like some zombie and I had bloodshot eyes. I felt like the Walking Dead, literally. So that was when I decided to drop everything (life issues, homework, social life, you name it) and I decided to write. So I took my laptop to my favorite spot in the house, opened a Word document, made myself a bowl of cereal (because who doesn’t love Froot Loops?), sat down and wrote.

Except… at that moment, right then and there, I couldn’t write anymore. Couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t. I mean…. what the fuck?  I wanted to write so much that I kind of went insane and when I got the opportunity to do it, I just couldn’t. I had no inspiration at all. And no motivation either. The words just didn’t come out. Like someone who had selective mutism and I have selected ‘not-being-able-to-write’. I don’t know how to explain it.

Ugh.

You know what? I give up on life.

I don’t even know anymore.

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I’m such a hypocrite, aren’t I?

Hello again. The second week of new year and I’m struggling to survive.

First, let me just say that as of right now, I am sleep deprived and high on caffeine. I have designer bags under my eyes (yes, this quote is from Tumblr, I’m not that funny), I have only slept 4 hours in the last, I don’t know, 40 hours? Oh well, what can I say besides…. fucking, exams.

I am not here to complain (even though I do that a lot, now that I scroll through all the posts of last year… oops), I am just saying this as a warning that what you’ll read further in this post might or might not be the real me talking, but the zombie-lacking-sleep me. Oh, but to the people who also have exams and mid-terms and sats or lsats and I don’t know what not. I just want to say good luck to all of you, and may your eyes stay open during the test.

Speaking of exams (here I go again, rambling about exams), I have noticed that a few people can really work on my nerves these days. When I stand in the hallway, nearly dead because, well, exams, waiting in front of the classroom to be let in and get everything over with, and I hear people complain about how bad they have it, how much they hate exams, how many hours they slept last night, how dark the bags under their eyes are.

Well, all the people who like to complain about this shit, let me tell you something. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I am not trying to be rude (though I think that’s just my personality), I am just saying something that basically everybody around you thinks when you open your little mouth to make small talk and all you do is complain complain complain.

Yes, this is a free world. Our words are not limited, we have freedom of speech. And hell, am I grateful for that. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be considerate of what you say. Like discrimination. Yes, the laws about freedom of speech and discrimination don’t match, obviously. But it’s just about consideration. Think about other people. be considerate.

I guarantee you, that this is for your own good. I, like every other person on this Earth, do not want to hear your complaints about exams. Why? I’ll tell you why.

We are all on the same boat. Honestly, why the fuck are you complaining? To explain your situation? Because we’re in the same fucking situation. I have the same fucking exams like you.Then, do you complain to make us agree with you? Because the fact that you want that, makes me want to disagree. Well, maybe you just want to express yourself and release the stress? Very well. You can do that. Just not to me.

Because your words give me more stress and a fucking migraine. Did you ever think about that? Go to your parents, your siblings. I don’t fucking know. Someone who doesn’t go through the same shitty thing like you and me. Because you might think that your friends like to hear all about it, but they don’t. Trust me on this.

Hell, I might be the rudest person on Earth. But I really hate it when my friends complain me. I’m just like, dude, you know that besides you, there are another 100 students who go through the same thing, have the exact same exams like you? Why are you still complaining? It’s not gonna fix everything like some magic spell.

I don’t even know what I just wrote… I feel perfectly calm. Sorry that you guys had to read that. When I’m done drowning in textbooks, I’ll make sure there’ll be a happy post ^.^

It’s just, what I’m trying to say is: People, please be considerate and think before you speak. This applies to everything thing you say in life, obviously, but since I’m in this situation, I used as an example. But seriously, think about what others might think before you say something. People won’t tell you to shut up if they don’t like it, but it makes you less wanted and just fucking annoying and a pain in the ass, or a thorn in the eye, or I don’t know, something about annoyance and stuff.

The caffeine is wearing off… I need to sleep….. I’m such a hypocrite, aren’t I? Telling other to shut up but writing a whole post about how exams really sucks and how sleep deprived I am. Ugh.

Just, think about others first, okay?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And Happy 1 Year Anniversary of this awesome blog!

Damn, self promotion much.

But, I am really happy. Can’t believe I kept it alive for a year, I’ve never had such a long ‘project’. And well, I wouldn’t say that I’ve always succeeded in keeping it ‘alive’. But let’s just say that this year, things went very well with my free time which is why I was able to do this.

Don’t mind my rambling, everything here is written under the influence of firework exploding in my ear which is really not a good thing. Damn. I hate firework, so many sounds and ughh.

I hope y’all have a great year ahead and I dunno, make good New years Resolutions and follow them. I should make them too, right? Alright, here goes nothing:

1: Keep this piece of pain in the ass alive (jk, but really, keep it alive!)

2: Work hard on my novel (its already failing, I know it. I already started a new one, whoopsie. But, I will work on both (yeah.. probably not gonna happen anyway))

3: Exercise more (like hell I won’t.)

4: Start early when it comes to studying for exams (hmm, yeah, I’ll try, promise. Because this is school, it’s serious, it’s future.)

5 (The last one, thank God): Make. New. Friends.

Lmao. I gotta say, the last one is definitely the hardest. Because fuck people in general and fuck my social skills and fuck the fact that I need people in my life in order to survive because it’s so annoying that it’s true and fuck the world and fuck this universe. Today I am going to marathon stupid movies, wait until its midnight, drink champagne and sleep before 1 A.M because I don’t wanna stay up to party.

See you guys next year.

Hello…. it’s me.

And I found myself, once again, sneaking on this blog for whatever reason and having an internal conflict about writing a post. I first thought, why the hell not? But then I remember the amount of shit I planned to do this holiday. Gehe, as if I ever had much discipline before.

I’m starting to have back problems. I know, I know, I’m young and healthy. But seriously, they hurt like hell. And that’s probably because I’ve been sitting on the couch since 10 AM this morning and it is now 9:47 PM…. Okay, so I played the piano for about 15 minutes before giving up <– that was only because I was dumb enough to wash the dishes before playing so my hands were fucking cold!

So yeah, I guess I’ve been sitting in the same position for 12 hours and my eyes are red because of bloodshot and ugh. I’m such an internet addict >.< But I figured I shouldn’t waste my time because I’ll probably be internet free for a whole week. So yeah, back pain or not, I’m still doing this internet until you die thingy. Lmao. The youth of today. How fucked up. Not that I mind.

I managed to eat a whole can of whipped cream today. And the 500gr family nachos bag along with hot dip sauce and some ramen. Damn, I’m such a healthy person. On top of that, I didn’t do anything productive today. I should’ve taken a shower, but I didn’t. I should’ve started the second chapter of my  book, but I didn’t. I should’ve finish this project thing for school, one that was supposed to be done a week ago, but I didn’t. Damn.

Honestly, it sounds like one of my typical Saturdays… But what the hell, right? I should be making New Year’s resolution …. yup.

You know what I’ve been wondering for a while? I wonder if any of you are curious about who I am. Like, in real life. You know, social media, Facebook, pictures, that kinda stuff. Hell, I don’t think any of you even know my age. All you guy read is just some bullshit story of someone who lives somewhere went through.

Doesn’t that make you wonder who I really am?

I know I would be dying to know that person. Even if it’s just a picture, of a real name, or heck, even the country where they live in. I always feel so shitty for wanting to know more, because that person wanted to stay anonymous for some reason, you know?

Why am I even talking about this?

Let’s go to sleep.

I’m tired.

 

Early Christmas Post :)

I love Christmas. I have always loved Christmas. Not that I ever celebrate it. Not really. And that fucking sucks. But I still love it. Perhaps the whole reason why I love it is because it’s still a fantasy. An idealistic dream.

I will probably be on vacation when Christmas comes. So I will probably have bad internet. Because we’re always too cheap for even a 3 star hotel, that’s why the wifi will most probably suck balls. And that’s why I want to post this early Christmas post to wish everybody a Merry Christmas 🙂

It is now 2:36 AM and I am fucking tired. I drank too much coffee once again, because I had to study for this stupid French test or else I will fail it later today. I hate this. I am so tired but I can’t sleep because caffeine is a bitch again. Damn it.

It is almost the 1 year anniversary of this blog. December’s always have my anniversaries. Most of the shitty ones, I think. But 1 January is the birthday of this diary blog thingy. What shall I do to celebrate?

Only 3 more days, then it will be Christmas holiday. Well, not exactly, I still have to attend a stupid Christmas ‘event’ where I will have to play the piano. I really really really don’t want to 😦 My head doesn’t work anymore, who has fucking time to practice for piano? Ugh. I hate this. I’m at this point that I just need a break or else I will definitely have a burn out. Seriously.

While I’m on holiday, I will most probably read a book and write my book. Well, I’m only at chapter 2, but hey, I’m not bored with it yet. So that’s a good thing. I think I will have to make an outline though. Because I have no idea where the story is going (well, I kinda do, but I don’t know how to begin chapter 2 (no, I do know that, I’m just too fucking lazy, I think)).

Pfft. I have a really long list of school work that have to be finished at the end of the holidays. I even have exams 2 weeks after the holiday, and the week after that is the deadlines week. And the week before that, I have this stupid presentation that I have to prepare for, something that I really don’t want to do. I don’t hate presentations, I just hate preparing for it.

On the bright side… I won’t be cold in this winter because I’m leaving for Rome next Monday. So yay for that… ^_^

It’s a quarter for 3 and I have to get up at 7.

I better go to sleep.

I fell from my bike…. lmao.

So I guess I’m not stopping with this blog after all. Yes, I did want to stop. But people said that they enjoyed my blog and so I decided not to give up. No, scratch that. Lmao, people? People my ass. Like one person but whatever. If one person cares, I guess it’s worth doing.

Btw, that one awesome person is animalisticone. Please check out his/her blog. & animalisticone, thank you for caring. It means the world to me 🙂

So back to the point. I was absent for almost 2 months. Oops… (I did it again). But no, seriously. I’m fucking sorry. I feel so guilty right now 😥 And yeah, I had exams in the first week of November so I had to study the last few weeks of October and November was Nanowrimo and Thanksgiving and my birthday so like, I was busy as fuck. I’m not kidding, I’m so tired right now.

My Nanowrimo project is a fail. I’m not kidding. I ended up not writing the 50k words. Didn’t even make it to 25k >.< But, regardless, I did like the story, for the first time (in forever). For all those people who don’t know what Nanowrimo is, it stands for National Novel Writing Month and you basically try to write a book in 1 month. I know it sounds impossible, because it fucking is. In the 3 years that I participated, I never won once. Mostly because I’m one lazy ass, but you get the point.

I fell from my bike last week. I sound like a retard, don’t I? Oh well. I was going to music class, which is like somewhere else than at my high school (those idiots they can’t even fix a few guitars -_-, we don’t even have a sport hall, how pathetic). Anyway, my uh handle bar got stuck with my friend’s and when I tried to pull it away I fell down and she fell on top of me.

It was pretty fast, really. All those things you see in movies with slow motion stuff… I gotta say…. it’s complete horse-shit. I only remember like, when my eyes were open I was still riding my bike and after blinking once I was already on the ground. Slow motion my ass -_- My head hid the ground and my jean got ripped, my right knee was open and my right hand too. And it hurt like hell lmao. I couldn’t even stand up I was fucking nauseous and dizzy. I couldn’t even walk straight, I felt like a drunk motherfucker or stoned. My friend kinda had to drag me to the school XD

Yeah. It was kinda weird. I didn’t even cry, which was weird because I can’t handle adrenaline. Like seriously, it makes me cry. Ghehe now I sound like a pussy don’t I? XD

I gotta stop now, cuz it’s dinner time and I’m fucking hungry right now. Oh & btw, I just saw that I have 74 followers/subscribers? Holy shit man. Didn’t see that one coming >.<

Bye. I’ll see u sooner or later. Expect more activity  on this awesomeee blog. Lmao self promotion much.

The (not so) great comeback.

How long has it been since I have posted something? 3 months perhaps? I think that’s it. Tbh, I didn’t even remember I had a blog until today, when I saw a Buzzfeed video about journaling and remembered that this was my journal. Right after watching the video, I wanted to start a journal. You know, one that I could carry around everyday, write in whenever I’m in class, etc. But then I remembered that I already had something similar. This.

So many have happened. Of course, what did you expect, it has been 3 months. The last 3 months or so, I have been busy. All my time occupied with school and homework and tests and ugh. The month before that it was summer holiday. Have I told you guys that I went to another country, lived with a host family and learned the language of where I was? Well, if I didn’t, I’m telling you now. It was hella awesome. Hands down.

I learned the language, I learned a lot actually. I made a few international friends who influenced me a lot. One of them was a Korean guy, because I lived with him and another American dude. I don’t think that we would have been friends if not for those circumstances. He has a few of his own friends who were also Korean, so I started to hang out with them. And for some unknown reason, after 4 weeks of staying there, I began to learn Korean.

Yup. I know I’m crazy, but it sounded so awesome and I just wanted to be able to read something that weren’t letters. So that’s how I got into Kpop and Kdramas. And somehow, Anime. (Also, did I mention fanfic & yaoi?) But all of those things, oh my god, they just eat up all my free time. I’m not kidding.

Which is why I was thinking if I should quit this blog. Or at least stop for a little while until I can get out of my kpop/anime/fanfic/yaoi/kdrama hole and breathe. I mean, I could also rant about all those stuff here but I don’t think anyone would enjoy it XD

Idk. Just something to think about. Now I gotta go make my homework cuz it’s almost examweek even though it’s my autumn holiday T.T

Laters.

That one time I went to the zoo.

You guys remember the time I went to the zoo. About a week ago? Possibly more. Well, I just thought I’d share a little bit with you guys. You know, since I promised to blog about everything “exciting” in my life.

So, the day started out pretty normally. Except the part when my dad woke me up at 10 o’clock instead of the sunlight on my eyes. He asked me if we should spend the day at the zoo. So I mumbled that he should ask mom, turned around and went back to sleep. Except, I couldn’t sleep anymore. So I dragged myself downstairs and ate my breakfast.

That’s when my mother told me we were going to the zoo. My old grumpy self, was definitely not in a good mood, (because who the fuck on this Earth is an actual morning person) naturally started to debate. “What the hell?” I said, “I thought we were going to discuss this.” She then replied, “it’s two against one.” And so the conversation kept going on like that. 30 minutes later, I decided to accept my fate and to suck it up.

Skipping all the nonsense talk and inappropriate sentences to fill the story, the first animal we saw were penguins. My mom almost jumped into the water with them, I’m not exaggerating. It was so embarrassing. Later, I found out that mom liked them the most of all the other animals. I just thought they were making a lot of noise. Moving on, as I tried to find the elephants, I managed to stumble in the tropical area. It was so hot and really like moist, damp, humid, no freaking idea which of these words I should use.

Anyway, I tried to breathe but it was nearly impossible. So I fought my way through the tropical jungle and found the nearest exit…. to the fucking desert. The hell did I know what it was. All I saw was a fucking tunnel, with behind a series of thick glasses, a whole bunch of bats. We ended up with a cactuses and I nearly died of sunstroke. You know, when your brains turn into mush, like when a potato gets heated in the sun for 24 hours. Than you practically cooked it.

So, the desert was hell. The ocean was, pretty cool. There was literally a tank that contained only fishes from Nemo XD That was awesome. But the coolest though, was the black one. The water tank was just, pitch black. But apparently there were fishes that gave light. How awesome is that? They were like headlights, only super small.

The best part of the day, however, was at the Safari. We were walking toward the zebra’s who lived along with the giraffes, there were about 20 of them. And the was a lady take pictures with them. I saw a lot of people taking pictures with animals, I mean, I get it. You don’t get to see them everyday, unless you live in Africa or something. But this lady, she was, let’s just say special. From top to bottom, she was in zebra print. Her hat was zebra printed, her t-shirt, her pants, her shoulder bag. Hell, even her flip flops. I saw her and I was just like, fucking hell. I didn’t know humans had reached this kind of insanity. Another reason why I never go out.

Anyway, duty calls. Ttyl.

The six legged black beetle bug.

This schedule thing is so much fun! Had I know that this was possible, had I not publish 18 posts in January and only 1 in March. Stupidity is really infinite. There is a big chance that you will read this on a Sunday, and that I’m writing this on a Monday. Technically Tuesday, because it’s already past midnight.

Oh my God. I am just back from another traumatic incident. Not that you guys can tell, since it’s not a vlog or anything. You know, the annoying thing about blogging is that I have to tell you guys things after it happened. It’d be so much more fun if it happened right away. Anyway, as I was writing my long ramble about the schedule feature on this blog, some freaking bug fell on my feet. No, it wasn’t a spider, if it was the whole neighborhood would be mad at me right now. No, I wasn’t wearing any socks because it’s like 80 degrees in my room, and for me that’s enough not to wear socks.

Since it wasn’t a spider, I didn’t scream. The thing fell of my feet the second it landed on it, and went for an adventure through my sheets. As I just on to the ground, pushed my laptop to the other side of my bed (which is the wall) and went looking for a cup. Not after staring at the thing for about 5 minutes, trying to figure out what it was while trying to keep my heart from exploding. I found a coffee cup (ice coffee caramel, Starbucks) that was 1 week old (yes, I definitely have to clean up my room) and tried to cup the bug with it.

Except, it ran. It freaking ran into my pile of clothes at the end of my bed, which were surprisingly, all dark colored. Since the thing was black, it was impossible to locate it. So I waited. I literally sat there, on the edge of my bed, looking the pile of clothes, waiting for it to come out. And it did, after about 15 minutes. Because I figured, that if it wasn’t a spider, I could take this thing. It was me against the six legged black beetle bug, and I was ready to make it my bitch. Except, it ran, again. Under my laptop this time!

So, naturally, I panicked, because my laptop is my precious and hallelujah, was I afraid that it might get in through the venting system. In the panic, I forgot that the beetle was a whole fucking lot bigger than the little dots my laptop uses to let out its steam. The dot was the size of this beetle’s freaking poopoo. As I said before, stupidity is infinite. So, I picked up my laptop, pushed it to the other side, causing this beetle to wanna play hide and seek.

You know, I actually really love hide and seek. Because as a kid, I always won. Since I was little, I figured out that it was not a game of who could run better. It was just a mix of patience and a good strategy. Mostly patience. Anyway, back to the story. Yeah, I don’t like hide and seek with bugs. Most definitely not, when they decide to hide in my favorite blouse. That was enough for me, to run downstairs, explain to my dad that the bug had six feet so it wasn’t scary and now I lost it. It took me 25 minutes to locate it, and my dad 1. Another second to squish it into mush. I am so grateful that there is no law against an attempted murder of a beetle bug.

My favorite blouse is on its way to the washing machine. So is the pile of black clothes. And a few socks on the floor. This post might be even more interesting than I intended it to be. I’m glad.

Gotta go now. Sleepy time~!

Thoughts on my plans for the summer.

I am genuinely scared about the summer. As you all know, I shall be living with a host family in a country where I don’t speak the language of. I will be attending some summer school/program there to learn the language, and fyi it’s totally safe. Because it’s Europe, and not Iraq. I’m not even sure if they do these kinds of things in Iraq. Probably not.

(No offence tho, my readers from Iraq. I just really hate your country. Don’t take it personally, I hate most of all the countries in the Middle East. No, rewind, I think I do hate all of them. Too much war, too much heat and too many people. Not really my kind of thing.) This is my diary, I’m allowed to say whatever I want. (Except for the things that like, break the law or something) But I still feel kind of guilty saying that. Probably because I don’t really hate anything, not even Joffrey Fucking Lannister. He was kind of fun to watch, actually.

Moving on. I was talking about this host family. Did I tell you that I was scared of people? Well, now you know. All my friends tell me that I’m social. They say that I’m good with talking to people and stuff, which I think is pretty much bullshit. I’m not good at talking to people, I’m just good at talking. People just happen to listen because, I don’t know why they listen. But like, these people are my age, you know. Teenagers, young adults, whatever. But this host family, they’re 60. Fucking sixty. How the fuck am I supposed to talk to these people? I can’t even have a proper conversation with my grandparents and they are my freaking family, let alone strangers, who probably don’t even speak a word in English. Or one of the other two languages I happen to speak fluently.

Fuck this. Remind me to never do this again. You know, living in a foreign country, with a host family has been on my bucket list for as long as I can remember and now, when it finally comes to it. I’m too pussy and chicken out. But am I? Am I a pussy? What am I supposed to say to them? What if they give me sheep brains to eat, like in LOL.(How the hell did I manage to fit 2 Miley Cyrus references in one post?)  Do I have to carry the little useful sentences pocketbook around with me one full month?

Do I have issues? Ugh, who am I kidding, of course I do. I can already see myself in ten years, sitting on the soft sofa in my therapist’s office bullshitting about one of my ten thousand issues. Oh well, some things will always find its way back into the four walls surrounding this bitch here.

But, one great thing about this summer tho, is that I’ll get my kitten. Finally.