For some reason, I manage to fuck up my life pretty often. No, rewind. I always fuck up my life. It’s a fucking mess and I don’t understand how. You know how at first, everything seems okay but then CRASHHH!!. Zombie apocalypse, meteor, dinosaurs wiped out in seconds, the sun explodes, everyone dies. Just to sum it up, that’s how fast I can fuck. things. up.
I wondered for a long time how I managed to do that. Everyone around me, at school, on the street, they seem fine. And I know, I must seem fine too. Obviously. But, I hear the gossip at school, I see how my friends live their life. It’s all so quiet. No drama, no battlefield, nothing. Boring even. And when I look at my life. A series of…. unfortunate chaotic events. That is all my fault. Or was it? Was it fate? Was it coincidence? Was it karma? Or was it me? Was it me? Am I an addict? An addict to drama? Is it possible that my subconscious is doing all these things?
Do I crave drama like an addict needs heroine? Or do I need drama like an addict needs heroine? It’s the same but it’s different. Do I want it, or do I need it? Can I survive a quiet life? Lay low for the rest of high school? Three years of silence until college starts? Turn into the quiet, shy girl I once was? Or were these few years enough to prove me, that I need drama, and that I want it. So much, that I go out of my way to stir it up.
I guess, if there was anything that I’ve learned in my life, there’s this.
Psychopaths get bored.